


Doing it Wrong

by DrivvenWrinth, FairyNiamh



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, Naruto is Just Naruto, Not Beta Read, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27069985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrivvenWrinth/pseuds/DrivvenWrinth, https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyNiamh/pseuds/FairyNiamh
Summary: Naruto insists that his friend is doing it wrong and is here to help.
Relationships: Aburame Shino/Inuzuka Kiba, Nara Shikamaru/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 6
Kudos: 91





	Doing it Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> We wrote this ages ago. Oops!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and make no money from this.

“Dude, I think you’re doing it wrong,” Naruto said with a frown on his face and mischief in his eyes.

Kiba growled at the blond and warned him, “Shut up, Naru.”

“No, seriously, I think you’re doing it wrong,” Naruto repeated, paying no heed to his distraught friend's warning.

“I said to shut the fuck up!” Kiba finally yelled.

Naruto continued to ignore his irritated friend and remained on his path to enlightening Kiba. “Look, I’m just trying to help here. Maybe you two need a book or something. I know you have watched porn and I would have thought that was instruction enough, but…”

Kiba reached out to grab him by the throat and choke the life out of him. That was a bad idea, Naruto danced back out of his reach and the quick movement sent his pain level from a 3 to a 9 which caused him to whimper. He let his head fall to the table; as he tried to regain his composure and hopefully keep a modicum of pride.

“Seriously. You’re doing it WRONG,” Naruto was truly trying to be helpful, mostly, kind of, in his own way.

Kiba looked up at him again. Naruto’s concerned face was almost sincere, until you reached his eyes. Kiba glared into those mocking blue eyes and tried to whisper in the most vehement way possible. _“Fuck you, you dickhead. Go the fuck away, fuckface!”_

Naruto laughed in spite of himself. “Look, I’m just trying to be a good friend. You keep this up and there might be permanent damage. I’ve seen pictures on the internet. Not pretty, my friend.”

Kiba let his head drop back to the table, raised his right arm, and extended his middle finger by way of reply.

Naruto shook his head and walked away trying not to giggle at his friend’s discomfort. He made eye contact with Shikamaru. The other man shook his head once and frowned. “What?” the blond asked, feigning innocence. 

“Stay out of it,” Shikamaru warned in a stern voice.

“What makes you think I’m going to get ‘in to it’?” Naruto questioned with a smart-ass grin.

“You always meddle. You are the meddling champion of Konoha. Stay out of it.” His lazy friend demanded.

Naruto pulled an annoyed face. “What do you care what...”; he started to ask, but was interrupted.

Shikamaru tried to keep his voice down while still trying to get the message through to the hard headed airhead. “Because, you’ll drag me into it, you always do, and I _don’t_ want to be involved in this. I really don’t, Naruto.” Shika was scowling at him now and all the bubbly blond could do was laugh at him. “I’m serious, Naruto.”

The smile on the meddler’s face seemed to grow and Shikamaru realized his mistake. The more he protested, the greater his chance of being dragged along kicking and screaming. Naruto was sweet and gentle and kind, but he had a maniacal mischievous streak. He loved to push, pull, and drag people into doing things they didn’t want to. Naruto winked at him and he knew the argument was over before it had ever begun. “Fuck,”, he muttered as one thought went through his mind ‘I am super screwed and so is Kiba.’

Kiba missed all of this. He was too busy wallowing in his misery while trying to pretend he wasn’t. He was also talking to himself in his own head. ‘This is the last time. Never again. I don’t care what he does. Of course, if he kisses me like he did last night… NO! NO, NO, and NO! I am NOT going to think about that. I just have to make sure I don’t let him kiss me or touch me or talk to me ever again. Crap! I’m screwed deeper than an oil rig.’ His sarcastic side spoke up then: ‘literally’. His sarcastic side could go screw itself.

An hour later, Kiba was still ~~moping~~ and studying at the library. Naruto re-appeared before him. He was smiling sweetly and holding something behind his back. Kiba had a very bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. What was his idiotic friend up to now?

“I brought you something that might help you right now; but you still really, really need to figure out the correct way of doing it, ‘kay?” the blond said so seriously that all sorts of red warning flags popped up in the brunette’s mind.

Kiba glared at him, hoping that he might spontaneously combust or disappear. It didn’t work. Naruto remained cool, calm, and smiling. The first two were very not him and the last one was normal and as frightening as always. He braced himself for the worst. Even so, he was not prepared for what came next. In the middle of the university library, Naruto held out a little pillow shaped like a donut to his friend with one hand. Then he set a clear plastic bag on the table. Inside was an instructional video, a tub of boy butter, and a ‘How to Guide’ of for anal sex.

Kiba stood up too fast, he wasn’t sure if he was trying to get across the table to kill the grinning moron or run away before anyone saw them. Either way, he passed out due to the literal pain in his ass. Later, he woke up in the infirmary. He turned his head to see the bane of his existence (Naruto) and his lover (the other bane of his existence) thumbing through the damn book. The tub of boy butter sat on the table beside Shino and the damnable little pillow was sitting on the bed next to Kiba. Shikamaru was standing by the door shaking his head. At least that bastard had the decency to look a little ashamed and sympathetic.

Fuck his life. Was it too late to find a hole to crawl up in to hide? On second thought, that would just make him an easier target. He needed new friends, his sucked.

~Fin~


End file.
